


look in the mirror (again and again)

by diorsunmi



Category: BLACKPINK (Band), K-pop
Genre: F/F, Happy Ending, mentions of drinking, rushed and kind of shitty, sad? kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-11-18 01:50:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18110810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diorsunmi/pseuds/diorsunmi
Summary: sad n shit so i wrote this-chaeyoung seems to fall into an endless pit of darkness before a familiar face helps her out of it.-title from addict by sunmitw: mentions of drinking





	look in the mirror (again and again)

the clock ticks, but everything's frozen. she takes a sip. she puts the cup down.

it shatters, but she doesn't.

was she aware of how much force she was putting in? of course not.

she would never pay attention.

she looks up from the glass. she had sworn she was at home, and that her tea cup at shattered, yet here she was, looking at a broad man with a handsome face, it's not tea, it's wine, she notes.

but it isn't what she wants. she blinks. she's back home. she blinks again. the man looks familiar, an expression of confusion covering his features.

oh so familiar, but she can't wrap her finger around it. and even if she could, it's not who she wants.

she blinks again. it's different. her whisky's almost empty. she looks up. the bartender flashes a smile. she knows her. jennie kim, she remembers.

a mutual friend, she decides.

she blinks again. she's at home. she won't budge. she looks up; no one is there. she blinks, she's back at the restaurant. the man reaches over to hold her hand. she jerks back swiftly.

"i have to go," she mumbles, taking a few twenties out of her purse and leaving them on the table before getting up.

the man calls after her, she swears, but everything's too fuzzy for her. she's outside, she takes in the atmosphere. a busy night in auckland, it seemed, but of course, she still wouldn't know. she closes her eyes for a few seconds.

she wakes up.

the room is pitch dark, her body's covered in sweat. she panics, looking for the switch to turn on her lamp. it's there, she turns it on.

she's home. not like in the dream. it's her real home. though, it never felt like it. she swears something is wrong with her.

the clock is resting on the wall across from her, it's 4:22. she pulls the blanket off anyway. she looks beside her; the bed is empty.

one step, two step. she reaches out for the door handle.

it opens. she steps out. it's still dark. she thinks of going back to her room to switch off the lamp, but that wouldn't matter anyway.

her steps are in time with the clock ticking. it seems to get louder each time her foot hits the stairs.

she makes her way down. the room is slowly lighting up as she turns on the lights one by one, but it still feels dark.

her phone's ringing on the counter again. it wasn't the first time this had happened, because she knew that manoban knew everything.

she'd never pick up though, she'd never answer the door. she quit her job a while back, but that didn't matter, considering she was already rich.

she left voice mail on, though. of course she did; she always wanted to listen to her voice.

but not in this way.

_"chaeyoung-ah, i'm getting worried! you aren't talking to us as much as usual... did something happen? because you know if something happens that you can always come to me, right?"_

"chaeyoung-ah, please pick up. i haven't heard from you in so long. i know you're still there, please, please just pick up. i miss you so much. i just want to hear your voice. chaeyoung-ah, please don't leave me here alone. even they left. jennie-unnie and jisoo-unnie left me. i only have you."

are you sure you want to send this message? press 1 for yes, or press 2 for no, delete this message.

2.

she would never let her chaeyoung know how clingy she was; it was unhealthy.

but she swore on her life that one day, one day she will find chaeyoung and she will make her happy again.

it is her solemn duty.

truth is, lalisa knows where she is. but chaeyoung never opens the door. no matter how much lalisa banged on the door, twisted the handle, cried until there were no tears left,

she would never open the door. but lalisa knew, she knew that chaeyoung listened to every single word she said.

how could she not?

the neighbors never complained, they never did, because lalisa made sure that everything was private.

she closes her eyes as she slides down the front door.

chaeyoung stares at the front door from inside, her own tears threatening to fall.

why won't she open the door, you ask? because she's afraid. of course she is.

it's the afternoon, chaeyoung notes, because lalisa would never disturb her rest.

(even if she never got any in the first place.)

she wants to see her again, she really does. she just doesn't have it in her. she's too scared of lalisa's judgement.

so, with tears in her own eyes as she listens to lalisa's breaking down fade away, she turns to the kitchen and walks away.

lalisa's hands are knocking at the door, they're weaker now, less frustrated and more just wanting to know if chaeyoung is okay.

but lalisa already knows. she knows that chaeyoung isn't okay as she grabs the stray wine bottle that was resting on the kitchen counter.

lalisa knows they both aren't okay when chaeyoung takes the first chug for both of them.

lalisa knows how much chaeyoung is going to drink, despite how much of a lightweight she is.

lalisa knows everything.

she wishes she didn't know anything.

she gives up on knocking as she presses her back to the door and slides down until she hits the floor.

she cries. silent sobs, silent enough to make sure that chaeyoung won't hear how she really feels.

but chaeyoung knows too. she knows everything about lalisa, even is they haven't seen each other in so long,

chaeyoung knows everything.

she knows how much lalisa is hurting behind that door, she knows how much lalisa cares about the bottle of wine she's holding in her hand right now.

she knows how much lalisa cares when she passes out drunk, never saying a single word to her through the door.

again, chaeyoung wishes she didn't know anything. she wishes she wasn't the cause of lalisa.

this was it, chaeyoung decided, this was the night she was going to get drunk enough to open that door and finally let lalisa in.

finally see her face, finally touch her, hug her, kiss her, talk to her. finally.

if she got drunk. but she knows, that lalisa would be heartbroken to figure out that chaeyoung had to be drunk to let her in.

but it didn't matter anymore.

chaeyoung doesn't need the wine glasses, she needs to get drunk. she needs to feel the adrenaline pump in her veins, enough adrenaline to finally get her to open that door for the first time in months.

but at the same time, chaeyoung doesn't understand. why is lalisa persisting so much for such a worthless person like herself?

why does she come here everyday? is it to mock chaeyoung? no, of course not, but chaeyoung feels that way anyways.

like lalisa comes here to mock her and that's all. she has thoughts that if she opens that door, lalisa won't come in.

she'd just laugh in chaeyoung's face, at the state she's in.

but a slight shimmer of hope tells chaeyoung that lalisa doesn't care what she looks like, and that lalisa just wants to hold her, to kiss her, to hug her, to talk to her again. to know if she's okay. 

and that shimmer of hope is right, because that's all lalisa wants.

and that's what lalisa gets when chaeyoung finally gets the courage to open the door for the first time in months, with a hint of tears in her eyes.

lalisa immediately scrambles to get up when she hears the door lock budging.

"chaeyoung-ah?" she questions, knocking at the door lightly.

her voice is hoarse as she waits for an answer.

instead of an answer, though, she gets something much better.

chaeyoung opens the door with a smile on her face. lalisa bursts into tears as she rushes into chaeyoung's arms for a hug, not caring about the wine bottle that had shattered.

the bottle was full.

chaeyoung never got drunk, she just came to her senses.

she just needed lalisa, and lalisa needed her. 


End file.
